Have You Seen Her Wazoos!?

2007 marks the 100th anniversary since the invention of the brassiere and it seems quite apropos that this year Black Eyed Peas took home a Grammy for “My Humps.” The other day I came across a fun article, “In Loving Mammary: Tracking 100 years of breast obsession” by Susan Seligson takes a look back on always captivating Lady Lumps.

I thought it would be a fun lil’ post to highlight the most amusing facts of her article – and also to add in fun facts about the history of my own Bouncing Betties:

1907 – The first undergarment resembling the brassiere is invented in France. “It is an alternative to the rib-crushing, vital-organ-squishing corset” lifting the sweater kittens without the use of busks or whalebone.

1914 – The first all-purpose bra patent is secured by Mary Phelps Jacob, who while dressing for a dance decided to abandon her corset and instead had her maid “fit her with two handkerchiefs and a ribbon.”

1925 – Seamstress, Ida Rosenthal, starts designing dresses with breast supports – her design is so wildly popular that requests start coming in to buy the undergarment separate from the dress. And so the trademark Maiden Form is born.

1938 – Du Pont discovers nylon, by 1945 it is widely used with bra manufactures, “retailers had to warn women to extinguish their cigarettes before shopping – one stray ash could burn holes in the newfangled brassieres.”

1951 – The padded bra goes high-tech, a 1951 ad features an inflatable bra which boasts it’s point design “makes all other ways to a lovely natural bustline old-fashioned.”

1953 – Marilyn Monroe graces the first Playboy cover.


1965 - "Fabulous Mark Eden Bust Developer" device promises women a better bustline.

1983 – The first Hooters opens in Clearwater, Florida. Man’s love for the hot wing sky rockets.

1994 – Wonderbra makes its US debut!

1995 – Saldy is in the 6th grade and mourns over her flatness in comparison to the other girls in the locker room. She feels especially inadequate after being Gina Hoskins (prettiest girl in school’s) shower buddy at Outdoor Camp.

1997 – Suddenly – out of seemingly fated AA cups, Saldy basically wakes up one morning with C’s! She is overjoyed and instantly starts testing the prowess of her newfound cleavage by leaning over the desk to ask cute boys homework questions.

1998 – Random boy, Jared Castleton, is the first to get a glimpse of Saldy’s headlights.

2000 – Saldy’s coconuts are christened with their first nick names, Regina & Lola.

2002 – Saldy visits New Orleans, 138 strands of beads are collected over her stay.

2004 – Janet Jackson’s infamous “wardrobe malfunction” tit-slip during her Superbowl half-time show with Justin Timberlake.

2005 – Exotic dancer, Maxi Mounds, captures the Guinness World Record for world’s largest augmented breasts at size 156MMM! Ms. Mounds boasts, “that if each one was a Thanksgiving turkey, it could feed twelve adults.

2007 – Salds is still turning heads!

Feel free to comment about your own favorite Saldy’s Boobs memory or one of your own breast tales! :P

What’s Cookin’ Good Lookin’

The other day my loving boyfriend told me I was beautiful. I’d like to believe this to be true, but in the moment, I can’t help but feel that my being topless had something to do with it. The thing is, when someone tells me I’m 'sexy' or 'cute,' I am far more likely to believe it. Perhaps because I believe attitude has a lot to do with achieving those less-perfect labels. But beautiful, that’s a whole other story.

Today I came across an interesting article in the Atlantic Monthly, The Truth About Beauty, by Virginia Postrel. The article focuses on Dove’s “Campaign for Real Beauty,” that asserts, “Every girl deserves to feel beautiful just the way she is,” made popular through Dove’s viral video, Evolution:



It would be pretty to think so, but pretty everyone is not.

Postrel’s main argument squashes the idea behind the Dove campaign, countering that “Beauty is not just a social construct, and not every girl is beautiful just the way she is.” This reminds me of one of my favorite Mom-isms. When I was in middle school, I was an awkward and geeky girl, if you don’t believe me, then check out this picture:



One day I came home from school feeling especially unattractive after catching a note that a couple of boys were passing around with my face drawn on a horse’s head. Once home, I turned to my mother, crying, and asked her why I couldn’t be pretty like other girls. She said to me, “Erika, these are your Ugly Years… this is the ugliest you are ever going to be.” I responded by bursting into tears. My mother has never been one to sugarcoat anything, but the funny thing is, she was absolutely right. Nobody cared about my shimmering personality – hell, even I didn’t care about my personality. And little girls across the country looking in the mirror right now don’t give a damn either.

Postrel continues to explain that, “beauty exists, and it’s unevenly distributed.” She sites the numerous studies on how our eyes and brains consistently like some human forms rather than others. So what about this whole lovey Dove-y idea that “real women” are beautiful, too? At the end of the day it’s advertising. “Even the most zaftig had relatively flat stomachs and clearly defined waists… Dove diversified the portrait of beauty without abandoning the concept altogether.” Dove doesn't want to improve my self-esteem, they want me to buy some firming body wash.

So what’s my point, then? What am I rambling about? Why am I eating chocolates and sipping wine as I write this blog?

I know I'm no beauty queen but damn, it's nice to have a boy whisper sweet things in your ear. Crazy thing is, I think he just might mean it, and if so, well, I guess I'm saying that's good enough for me.